Shun Chardonnay—the bottle might be pretty,
But its bouquet’s distinctly eau-de-kitty

Be wary of Bordeaux, which Brits call “claret”—
Imagine a metallic tasting carrot

Watch out for anything that fizzes—Asti
Spumante is spectacularly nasty

Avoid Shiraz—there’s nothing subtly Persian
About the blatant blowsy Aussie version

Don’t risk the Riesling—not, that is, unless you
Know alcoholic Kool-Aid won’t distress you

Choose nothing then, put all your icky picks back,
And cross the aisle to buy a Miller six-pack.