Thank you, oh, thank you (hold up statuette)
Thank you (breathe) so much. This is just too much.
I couldn’t have done it without the drugs . . .
And the booze. It took a whole lot of sweat
And tears. Mostly sweat. It’s such
A huge, huge honor to be here. It sort of bugs
Me that it took so long, but here I am.
I’d also like to thank the drugs. Wait, did
I say that already? Okay. The booze?
Right. Well, man (sob), I had fun (slam
Award on podium), and they were really good
Drugs. I’d also like to thank (ignore cues)
Fans, friends, you at home, dealers, mom and dad,
But most of all I’d like to (cut to car ad).