by Ernest Hilbert on 12/01/09 at 5:50 pm
Staff writer Bethany gives us a list of the dumbest reasons for going to war.
5. War of 1812: “I wrote a paper on the causes of this war in high school, and I still don’t know what it was about, except that John C. Calhoun is a jerk (and looks like a bucket of crazy).”
4. The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (thus the First World War): “a shot really heard around the world, especially as all those secret treaties and 19th-century mobilization plans creaked to life and before you know it millions of teenaged boys dead fighting for a postage-stamp sized piece of mud in Flanders.”
3. The Football War: “The ‘Football’ War (La guerra del fútbol, in Spanish), also known as the Soccer War or 100-hours War, was a five-day war fought by El Salvador and Honduras in 1969. It was caused by political conflicts between Hondurans and Salvadorans, namely issues concerning immigration from El Salvador to Honduras. Tensions came to a head during a football match.”
2. Helen of Troy: “the face that launched a thousand ships. ‘Shall the Argives fly home to their own land over the broad sea, and leave Priam and the Trojans the glory of still keeping Helen, for whose sake so many of the Achaeans have died at Troy, far from their homes?’ – Samuel Butler’s translation, from Book II of the Iliad.”
1. The War of Jenkins’ Ear: “WTF?! A conflict between Great Britain and Spain that lasted from 1739 to 1748. Its unusual name relates to Robert Jenkins, close relative of Steve Attridge, captain of a British ship, who exhibited his severed ear in Parliament, sparking outrage that Spanish coast guards had cut it off. After 1742 the war merged into the larger War of the Austrian Succession.”